I'm back. I've had some serious battling of the conscience on whether or not to keep blogging. Based on things I've read from some other bloggers I relate to, I believe a lot of people go through this. A lot of it began two weeks ago during the whole Chick Fil A debacle. There just seemed to be too much information, too many opinions and so much arrogance. Why is it we think the age of technology means we should share every thought and opinion so forcefully? Couple that with finding a few blogs written by some mothers I know at Loulie's school that I found to be a little self indulgent. Picture after picture of them in front of mirrors discussing what they wore that day, admissions of drinking too much allowing their children to get hurt and posting their weight. I really am not trying to be judgmental--I know there are all walks of life out there and that some people relate more than others. I'm sure a lot of people read blogs by me and my friends and have opposite opinions of how we should be parenting, living, worshipping, etc. But all of it got me thinking..what is it that I am really trying to say? Is this blog a place where I am bragging? where I want people to be impressed? Am I self indulgent? And if the answer is yes, DO I NEED TO STOP?
I went around and around. At one point dragging my poor mother into an hour long diatribe on whether or not blogging was self serving or a way to relate to others. As she always does, she posed some good questions?
Am I writing about things that are important to me? Who reads it and do I care if anyone does? Do I enjoy my friends' blogs--updates on their children, struggles of parenting, tips on exercise and eating healthy? (YES) I contemplated all these questions and came up with this...Why blog?
1. I began this blog as an outlet when I quit my job. As a place to keep my mind going, share information and hopefully not completely lose my writing skills. Not like I have ever been some advanced writer but I had so much fear when I chose to stay home that anything I ever learned would slowly ooze out of my ears while I spent my time cleaning bottles and vacuuming floors. My hope was that my blog would keep my thoughts churning, give me some kind of accountability and give me a place to practice putting thoughts together/grammar/etc. I ever really cared if anyone read it, I certainly have never advertised it or begged someone to read it. It's kind of my space in a house full of toys and tools and hand me down furniture--friends can join me here if they like or not.
2. I love sharing with others. I have always said that we only grow up with one perspective of family--whether it's two parents or four, one house or three; we really only see that schedule, rules and norms of our family. I am so blessed to have such great parents that I learned so much from but I remember thinking after my first nannying job at 16, "Wow, there people out there that do it differently." From that moment on, I took notes and snippets of things that I liked from other families I babysat for, from the families of boys that I dated and what not to do from a few nightmarish experiences. And this is probably the #1 reason I love the concept of blogging--getting to see how others are doing it. Opening my circle up wider that the advice of a few friends. Seeing inside the days of other mothers and families. Taking tips and ideas. If done correctly, we can share our perspectives, not forcefully through demands and opinions, but through living out our beliefs and documenting the outcomes.
3. I want this space to be a place that documents our everyday lives from the mundane to what we find exciting. That if she wants to one day, Loulie can look back on her childhood through my words and pictures seeing how much I loved her and what our life was like. My mother was excellent at documenting our school years and photographing every event but sometimes can't remember details (like who fell during the family Easter egg hunt. I claim it was me, Meredith claims it was her. We're still in debate.) I hope that in capturing some of the details, she'll one day feel like she is back here again. That this will be a little gift to her one day. I realize that it could totally backfire and she could hate me for posting naked pictures and documenting tantrums but it will be the reality of her upbringing and I kind of like that.
4. My final reason for blogging is how much I love to read. I often find myself wishing that sleeping and eating were optional, that there is just too much to learn and do and read in what little time we get here. I know how much I love reading others' blogs. Bert sometimes puts too much emphasis on what will make money, how we are spending our time. I kind of feel like if you do the things you love, then something will come from it or not, but that you've at least enjoyed the last thirty minutes. And I truly like writing, even if it is something silly. I have so many posts that I never publish because I don't want it out in the world wide web or I'm scared I'll offend someone. But I know by writing it here, that it is permanent, that I can look back on my thoughts and opinions at this time in my life (I hope one day it won't be too cringe worthy.)
So my resolution is to be more intentional in what I write and post. I hope that I never come across as braggy or full of myself. If I do, then I apologize in advance. I promise I won't post to twitter or facebook or instagram unless I feel that I have written something that truly needs to be shared. So i'm going to keep writing here. Take it or leave it. This is just me, us, living our lives. And for what it's worth, telling my story.