I am Loving...

There are a few things I am not loving so much right now--this rainy weather, Bert's 14 hour work days, having to give Gillie back this weekend, spending 3 hrs at the vet finding out Bridget has a torn ACL, and that Loulie has gone to bed every night for two weeks at 11 and then woken up at least once in the middle of the night. How is it that I haven't had a newborn in 4 years and yet my sob story is always "I never get sleep." In lieu of my brief complaining (thanks for letting me get that off my chest), my "Love List" far outweighs any negative I might have going on.

Right now, I am loving..

- That we can finally announce that my sister is having a baby!!!!!!!!!!! Not due until Jan 9th so this might be the longest pregnancy ever. Loulie asks me everyday when Aunt Meme's baby is going to get here. Seriously, everyday! I cannot wait to hold that sweet little baby. I am not so secretly hoping for a boy since our family has never had one but obviously, I love girls and really just hope the baby is a big, healthy ball of squish. I'm pretty sure that being an aunt is going to be the greatest thing ever--I get all the benefits of loving on a sweet baby without raging hormones, sleepless nights or saving for college.

- The Office reruns on Netflix. How in the world did I go the past 8 years without getting into this show? Have I really been watching Grey's Anatomy instead of Steve Carrell every Thursday night? A friend posted some comment about the series finale on Facebook and I decided to check out the old shows (there is nothing on in the summer anyway). Obsessed! Jim and Pam are now in my top five favorite couples. Love the dry humor, the sexual innuendos, the random cast, LOVE IT!

- That tomorrow I am leaving for a week with Loulie to go on our annual Southern Tour (SC to Newnan to Atlanta to Knoxville to Charleston). I'm a little nervous about the long hours in the car alone with Loulie but I cannot wait to see my friends and their families and my parents. 

- The 9 day deep cleanse I just finished! I tried it at the suggestion of a friend after feeling sluggish and puffy all month. Amazing results--soooo much more energy, lost lbs and inches, and my skin is clearer. Definitely explaining in more detail in another post. I would recommend to anyone.

- A new favorite author, Rainbow Rowell. I just picked up her recent book from the library. It is like a John Hughes movie to the Nth. Seriously, the cutest misfit love story set in the 80s. You will love it from page one. The good news is she already has another book coming out with just as endearing characters and apparently as unique a plot. I love finding new authors--it's always nice to have a few favorites that you know you will enjoy their book when you pick it up. 

- That I won the $25 Trader Joe's gift card for bringing my own bag this week. I was beginning to think they never pick a winner. I enter every week and have never won. $25 at TJ's will be spent before I can even get past the flower section but there are few places where I would rather have free $!

- That 105 Charleston high schoolers left for Young Life camp this week. It's the first time in years that the number has been this high. We have been asked to pray for a specific few and I would love for anyone to join me in that. I cannot wait to see where God will move this week and how he will work in their lives when they return. We really feel like James Island is home and have started to try to dig more into the community. Of all the things we try to involve our family in, this mission gives me the most hope. That lost high school kids have an opportunity to hear about Jesus because some college kids have decided to commit their time to hanging out with them--it's just awesome! And I am so blessed to get to play some very small part in it.

So, that's it for now. I have a lot of packing left!

Happy Fourth Week!

Windy Gap recap

There aren't many places you can go to get away where it is cold and rainy all weekend and you still have the time of your life. This was our second year going to Young Life family camp. We have been attending the Young Life dinners and fundraisers since moving to Charleston but it wasn't until a year ago that we were finally able to go to camp. The stories are true--that place is sacred. 

Loulie has talked about it all year and couldn't wait for this past weekend. It was especially wonderful this year. For one, we had our own cabin with this breathtaking view. 2) Loulie was able to go to breakout sessions with an older group of kids. Bert and I would try to walk her to her group and she would turn around and hold her hand up for us to let her go alone. It's so safe there, we were able to give her independence. 3) We had a lot of friends there this year, friends that we love seeing in Charleston but staying in the same place for a long weekend as a family allows for more, less stressful hang out time. Loulie had buddies to play and dance with--it was sweet to see all the little girls feed off each other and share in worshipping Jesus at such a young age. 4) Loulie knew the ropes this year so she was less anxious. She knew exactly what to do and where to go and with a slight increase in height was able to tackle the ropes course. She was actually the youngest person at camp to get on the ropes course swing. (I was shaking just watching them climb so high.) When she finished, an older group of girls (9 or 10 maybe) were waiting at the bottom to high five her. The look on her face when those "big girls" were congratulating her on being so brave is something I will never forget. Throughout the rest of the weekend, people would pass Loulie and say "there's that little kid that did the swing." Being pretty shy, she rarely tries to draw attention to herself, but this praise of bravery she just ate up. 

Mainly, it was just an amazing time as a family relaxing, enjoying God's creation and spending time with good friends. I hope this is something we will always get to do. I think as life gets busier, this weekend is one that I will look forward to and treasure always.

Checking Myself

I needed this today and you may too.

Yesterday I begrudgingly cut the grass, scrubbed bathrooms, changed bed linens, disciplined a sass mouthed child; all with a self-serving, "is this all there is?" attitude. I knew I was going about it surrounded in negativity and for some reason didn't really do much to change anything. Before I let it carry over into the rest of my week, I went to bed early last night and then read this from Ann Voskamp first thing this morning. I'm sorry if I've posted it before but I go back to these words often. They are such a good reminder. 

"This life of washing dishes, of domestic routine, it can be something wholly different. This life of rote work, it is itself public work, a public serving-even this scrubbing of pans-and thus, if done unto God, the mundane work can become the living liturgy of the Last Supper, I could become the blessing, live the liturgy! I rinse pots and sing it softly, "This is my song of thanks to You..."
      In the moment of singing that one line, dedicating the work as thanks to Him, something-the miracle-happens, and everytime. When service is unto people, the bones can grow weary, the frustration deep. Because, agrees Dorothy Sayers, "whenever man is made the centre of things, he becomes the storm-centre of trouble. The moment you think of serving people, you begin to have a notion that other people owe you something for your pains...You will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause,"
      When the laundry is for the dozen arms of children or the dozen legs, it's true, I think I'm due some apprecitation. So comes a storm of trouble and lightning strikes joy. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work, is my song of thanks to Him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant to all. When the eyes of the heart focus on God, and the hands on always washing the feet of Jesus alone-the bones, they sing joy, and the work returns to its purest state: eucharisteo. The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness.
     "The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action," write Mother Teresa. "If we pray the work...if we do it to Jesus, if we do it for Jesus, if we do it with Jesus...that's what makes us content."
     That is what makes us content-the contented, deep joy is always in the touching of Christ-in whatever skin He comes to us in."
      From One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, p. 194

Sometimes it is just better to use the words of others greater than yourself. I think I am now ready to start this day.


   

Resume Part Two

Two years ago, I hung up my suits, threw away a pair of worn out heels and retired about 20 years earlier than anticipated. Yes, today marks the two year anniversary that I have been a stay at home mother. 

I first off want to say that I know every woman has her struggles with balancing career and family and that like your birth story, everyone has one personal to them. I have wanted to tell mine now for a while because it isn't so much about choosing my child over work but how God tugged on my heart and completely changed the way I thought about a lot of things including my self worth. So as a preface, please know that this is in no way passing judgement on any mother working or staying home. I have an extraodinary amount of respect for all the mamas out there putting their families first and joyfully (and sometimes not joyfully) doing this work of parenthood (in whatever capacity) everyday. This is MY story and MY experience. 

And I should begin by telling you that from the moment I set foot in Atlanta, purchased my first suit, sat through my first sales training and received that first bonus check; all thoughts of ever staying home with children became a distant idea. Not only did it become a distant idea, it became a negative choice--something that boring, submissive women did. I had horribly judgemental ideas of what would you do all day, how terrible to have to depend on a man, what a waste of an education and talent! And as I spent more years working and spending time with coworkers just like me, those ideas began to shape the way I saw myself. As I succeeded--higher numbers, bigger bonuses, encouragement to move up--my job became my identity. That was who I was--business minded, driven, competitive and as my manager would assure me 'going places." I wasn't drinking the company koolaid, I was IV-ing into my arm. And life went on just fine until marrying Bert and moving left me without the fuel to my fire. My energy had been spent on working and with out that, I suddenly felt very invaluable. In my year long search for a job in Charleston, I would get so frustrated that I wasn't "bringing anything to the table." I didn't feel like I brought any value to our marriage because I didn't provide a paycheck nor did I feel that my day was meaningful. I volunteered but still my self worth was so tied to earnings and productivity; I couldn't shake feeling kind of useless despite Bert's encouragement. Not only that but by putting so much pressure on myself to earn, it blindingly kept me from submitting and trusting him to take care of our family.

Thankfully, I found a job in Charleston and once again felt satisfied with how my time was spent. I had Loulie and returned back to work with a lot of resignations but stood on the ground that work needed me, that I needed the

 money, and that I would never find a job like that again. I now look back and see how prideful, how selfish and how untrusting I was. In the meantime, Loulie had horrible colic. Her daycare workers would call me out of meetings, I would pick her up to find her on the lap of the head administrator because her caretakers couldn't handle her neediness along with 7 other babies. And through all this, I prayed for signs of what to do but still held on to the thought of what would I be if I chose to stay home. How could I trust Bert to care for us?  That if I stayed at home no one would ever know what I had accomplished, that I was capable and smart. Talk about Satan having a party in your head?!

I began to get worn down. One night Loulie stayed up screaming until 5:00am. After finally getting to sleep, the alarm went off an hour and a half later so that I could get Loulie to daycare before an 8:00 meeting. It was hell and we were both miserable. 

I prayed more. I asked the advice of friends. I stained my poor mother's ear daily. And one day a friend said something to me that flipped a switch. "Whatever you decide to do, just don't loose your identity." I remember clearly going home and standing at my kitchen counter thinking "so is my identity my work?". Is that who I think I am? And like a cloud lifting, all of my self righteous sin that I had been masking with excuses for months was revealed. And I realized the real reason I was struggling. After praying and praying, all circumstances were pointing to me staying home. And after fighting it for so long, it became so apparent that I was scared of what God had in store, I was scared of loosing control, I was scared of not being able to provide for myself and Loulie, and I was scared of going down a road that might not have an exit ramp. So with so much trepidation, I made a call, I finished up my two weeks and I handed my self worth back to the Lord.

And for months he did a great work on my heart.

I get asked all the time since I have done both sides of it whether or not I think a friend or coworker should stay home with their child. I want to share what I've learned so far but I'll save it for another post. Like I said earlier, it is a different story and choice for each family. I have one answer for myself--I have never once looked back with regret. It took a lot of pruning but I have peace that what I am doing now is where I am meant to be. That what I do with my hours and days doesn't define who I am.  That the choice wasn't about what to do but who I was putting in control, who I was choosing to trust. And I hope I never stop being thankful for the lessons I've learned and the way I now spend my days.

Needing a realignment

If I had to pick a recurring theme for each week in 2012 here at the Dasher house, it would be illness. I was completely absent from the blog last week after Loulie's first sick visit to the doctor which followed in her getting worse, then myself and Bert following. I found myself so aggravated over it too. Last week was supposed to be super productive and packed with activity but instead I found myself trapped in the house; completely unorganized with a dirty house, empty refridgerator and fussy child! Ugh! I started thinking about how much we've been sick this year; becoming anxious about being self insured and the fear that I let creep up on me over that. Before I knew it; I had hung the streamers, blown up the balloons and was on my way to inviting all around me into a pity party.

And just like I try to discern daily with Loulie, I love how our heavenly Father pulls out different parenting stops on us in every little tantrum we throw. Because that is exactly what I needed--a kick in the pants, a time out, what I call an adjustment of view. It's like you're looking at your world as a 4x6 seeing only what's going on in your peripheral and God opens it to a panoramic so you can see all that is going on around you.

Because in the midst of what was becoming a mixture of anxious pity, I got a phone call from a friend who had a REALLY BAD week. She could have complained about her circumstances but only gave thanks that though her sick family was wearing on her, she was grateful that all were alive and being healed. A reminder that an acquaintance from college (30 yrs old) has been diagnosed with breast cancer. And a comment from Bert on something that had was on his heart--how grateful we should be for employment and a thriving business. 

And then my devotional this weekend held this verse:

"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."- 1Thessalonians 5

And I am ashamed that I was not more grateful for the quiet time with Loulie at home last week, for the blessing that this has been her first real illness so far and that though taken down with a bug, my family is healthy. And I am grateful that God aligned my circumstances of friends and prayers and verse to remind  me of blessings, of His will and turned me back towards thankfulness. Pity can be a slippery slope, the act itself keeping you from seeing the good right in front of you. And I am grateful that God interceded just enough to keep me from sliding down it.

                 

Just like that

I moved two days before the 8th grade started so for the longest time I didn't have the lifelong friends that everyone else seemed to have--the "we've known each other since 4K" kind of thing. So it wasn't until I moved to Atlanta, keeping in touch and living with/near college and a handful of high school friends did I finally have that history with people. And after living in the close quarters of a dorm room and sorority house and 12 girls in 3 adjacent apartments; I felt like we had done a lot of living with each other.
AND I LOVE THESE GIRLS! They mean so much to me! So when I married and moved to Charleston, I wondered if I would ever have people that I felt that comfortable around. Besides, I was no longer living right next door--I met people but the amount of time I was able to spend with them was much less than the kind of free time you have in college or those single, working years. Naturally, I worried that I was now 5 hours away from the only close friends I would ever have. I remember after moving, praying for just one good friend.
(Fast forward 5 years)
Saturday night some friends gathered together in celebration. As usual, I came home with an empty stomach and sore jaw. I must have said "Good to see you, I really need to go" about 15 times before getting sucked back into another conversation that was just to good to leave. So on my way home, I had this energy (not the nervous kind that usually resonates through my body) but of gratitude and excitement. Because one friend and I got to talking about how much these other families meant to us and how over the years we've all shared in joy and tragedy with equal support. And the energy I had sprang from the good conversation--not of gossip or competition--but of support and encouragement and enthusiasm over each other's families and jobs and faith. And I felt that at the root of every conversation was the heart of Jesus. And after all this time here, I realized that good friends don't drop from the sky to your doorstep but are a result of work and experience. I hadn't even realized I was doing it but for 5 years, my faith has been nurtured in such a way that I have surrounded myself with people that build me up and give good advice and as Bert said the other day "keep us accountable."
5 years ago on the way to a pilates class at a new gym in a new town, I said I would be happy if I could make one good friend. And after that class, one girl invited me to a small group. And this morning we left the gym together again laughing over the events of this past weekend. And just like that, I had done some living with a new set of people who I love. 


* Of all ironies, I found this on the web today. Think I'll add it to my reading list.

Week Two Inspired by

" I could discern clearly, even at an early age, the essential difference between people who are kind to dogs and people who really love them."

- Frances P. Cobbe

"His ears were often the first thing to catch my tears."

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

       

I have been thinking a lot about dogs lately, how they are not just pets but part of our family. I know there are people out there who think that people who refer to their pets as part of the family are ridiculous. But in continuing my weekly inspired by quote, I couldn't narrow it down to one or the other. Because my family and my life would have been completely different without the presence of a few very special animals, who were not just animals but members of our family.

Loyal, comforting, happy, joyful companions that added so much to what it meant to grow up in our home.

A friend told me recently that she loved that after having a baby I still treat Bridget like a child and not a dog as so many people claim they return to after having children. (Granted she is no longer the sole attention getter and takes a few less walks around the block). But I thought, of course! How could I not continue to treat Bridget like part of the family. She is the only one who never disappoints, never talks back, never hurts my feelings and lays with her head buried under my arm anytime I need need comfort or a listening ear. We celebrated her 5th birthday this week! 5 years of her never leaving my side and always showing me unconditional love. Teaching me how to be a mother during times when I thought she may be the only child I would have. So yes, we celebrated...

And then we took off to Knoxville to see my parents and Sulli. Sulli isn't doing very well after just turning 13. It is extremely difficult to see her not feeling well but a blessing that we have gotten to come scratch her head and spend some time. Because there was not a time I came home from college that her cold black nose wasn't the first first thing I saw next to my bed in the morning. And I wanted to wake up to it at least a few more times. 

Because whether ridiculous or not, I am the latter. I am one who really loves them!