March/April Reads

In hope of redeeming myself from my last post title, I am trying to catch up on everything that has gone to the wayside in the past few weeks. I set out at the beginning of 2012 to read 3 books/ month. I am one behind for April and hope to make up for in it in some of the down time during the summer. I also need some good fiction suggestions beyond that scary trilogy everyone is talking about. I thought it through and don't think I can submerge myself in anything involving handcuffs, hair braiding and submission. Think I'll pass this round!

The Best of Me

by Nicolas Sparks

I may lose some of you in this critique since many women seem to love this guy's writing. Obviously since he comes out with a new novel every 6 months that is rolled into a movie within another 3. The last Sparks book I enjoyed was Three Weeks with My Brother (that was 7 years ago) but every say four or so years, I forget and pick up the latest. Around mid-April this was on the new bookshelf at the library and I guess I was desperate. Anywho, same old, same old. Melodramatic, sappy, unrealistic 300 pages of wasted time. Basically, if a man sat down and thought "I am going to put everything that I think might make a woman cry into a book", this would be the book. But I don't like Lifetime movies or Hallmark and if I am going to listen to a story about love or saving lives, I want it to be "Heroes" on CNN so this didn't do much for me. No more Sparks books--I'm serious this time!

The Three Stages of Amazement

 by Carol Edgarian

I had seen this book on a Goodreads email or something and snatched it up when I saw it on the trade a bookshelf at my in-laws' beach house back in March. To be honest, it let me down a little only because I thought from the summary that it could be in the rankings with Marisa de los Santos. It wasn't. It was a pretty decent plot centered around a couple having a difficult time in their marriage. The part that made the book interesting is that it was set about four years ago during the beginning of the recession. The writing was good but at times confusing and a little too self absorbed. I don't feel like I wasted time reading it but it is not one I will remember a year from now or would take the time to recommend to a friend.

One Thousand Gifts

by Ann Voskamp

I feel a little ridiculous even trying to write about this book because words can't even describe how life changing its pages will be for you. I began reading it a year ago and it is meaty. It has taken a full year of picking it up and putting it back down, going back to reread paragraphs and highlighted pages, and having the pressure of seeing her speak in person to make me finish this book. Not driven by plot but by growth in Christ, this book completely flips our pattern of living on its head. I could go on and on but if you read one book I ever recommend, read this one. 

One Thousand Gifts: finding joy in what really matters

by Ann Voskamp

This is a much shorter, gift book version that I had her sign for Loulie when I heard her speak back in March. Her photographs are incredible and hearing her speak in person challenged me in the way I want to be as a wife, mother and follower of Christ. If you think you can't get through the original version (and it is  difficult at times), then pick this one up first. Plus it makes a good gift.

Reluctantly Related
by Dr. Deanna Brann

I majored in communications in college so I have always loved studying how people communicate and relate to each other. I could talk for hours about birth order or how people are perceived in an office setting based on nonverbal behavior or how people communicate across generations, races, etc. You get the idea. So a friend gave me this book months ago thinking I would enjoy it. It is short so I picked it up after finishing the marathon that was Ann Voskamp. The author basically categorizes daughter in laws into four groups, mother in law into four different groups and sons/husbands into three groups. Then she goes on to say that there are only so many combinations you can make of these three family member types based on personalities, compatibility, etc. The author had a terrible relationship with her son and daughter in law and spent years doing research and wrote this book. The beginning is somewhat insightful buts he basically shoots out recommendations like "put yourself in the others' shoes." (Did she have to go to school to figure that one out?) Or if your mother in law is a "Wacky Wanda," she'll probably never change, just learn to temper her outbursts. By the the end of the 100 or so pages, I was hoping my friend hadn't dropped too much money on this one.

Slacker

I haven't blogged since May 2nd?! Obviously, May has gone by even faster than April. I still have a stack of books to write a post on from March. Hopefully, I will have time to catch up with the start of summer nearing. We are the opposite of most families. For us, summer means sticking close to home, slowing down and enjoying what Charleston has to offer versus hitting the road. It is our business's busiest time of year so Bert is in and out at odd hours. With Loulie being older, we are really hoping to catch all the free concerts and festivals put on for all the visitors this year. Which brings me to today....
Is anyone else having a hard time with the end of the school year?! It does not need to be said that I am a nerd and was always that kid that hated leaving my teacher, my friends, dance classes ending, etc. Of course, I would be sad for all of a day before I easily settled into the relaxing summer schedule. But now I am a wreck over 2K ending! I actually cried the other night (and I am not a crier) thinking about it. It seems like just yesterday I was nervous about dropping her off for her first day away from me and now the year is over. 
It all began when she started singing "Little Bunny Fufu" at the dinner table Friday night in her sweet little voice. Which got me thinking that it will never be this way again--being in Ms. Becky's class with all these sweet little friends. Bert just laughed at me. Obviously, I have a difficult time with change. Imagine kindergarten or even high school graduation? I can't even think about ;) All joking aside, I am so thankful for her sweet little school and the nurturing teachers, Ms. Becky and Ms. Stacey, she had this year. It makes a mama's heart glad to know your child is being loved on and cared for well in her absence. And I hope I will always remember how she sounds doing her roll call every morning, naming each friend she's excited about seeing--always naming "Copi and Giffin" at top billing.


Oh, can't we just put a brick on their heads? Anyone with me on this or am I completely ridiculous?

*On a side note, my aunt has kept every single one of my cousins' class pictures and has a whole wall in each of their old rooms dedicated to their class and sport's team photos. They are 35 and 31 now. Every time I go over there I stop and stare at all the old snapshots. I am in a few since Chris and I are the same age. And I can't believe I was ever upset to say good bye to friends--thanks to facebook, I know where 90% of my classmates from 2K are today. Crazy, right?! I'm still friends with some of them and over half were there for us at my uncle's funeral last year. So you never know--Loulie's college roommate or husband or business partner could be in this very photo. Now that does kind of excite me to see what's ahead. 
So proud of all these little peanuts!

April in pictures

April could be classified as the fastest month of my entire life. On more than one occasion I found myself thinking "I need to make plans for Easter" or "don't forget that meeting" only to remember seconds later that it already happened. Everything just came and went so quickly, it is kind of a blur. As a result of the busyness, I was pretty slack in my writing as well. And since I obviously need a way for my aging brain to capture the memories--here are pics from the last four weeks...

How to nap properly on the beach

Forget surgery--Sophie will pin your ears for free

Found an entire box of my grandmother's sewing supplies--I think wooden spools look way cooler

Loulie's portrait of her Daddy

Loulie Bug Dasher, Fashion Icon

Ever since LB approached the two and a half mark, she has exerted her independence with an even greater intensity than first exhibited in her earlier years. Never is this independence more apparent than in the first hour of her day when choosing her attire. Occasionally she allows me to pick out a few options for the day since her main concentration is in the details. Yes, this young lady is all about the accessories! And as you will see below, she does not allow weather or season to confine her rich choice of color or fabric. In fact, like many young influential females today, she chooses to ignore all rules and set her own standards for looking good. 

Casual approach to Superbowl Sunday--pj pants backwards, favorite tee, comfy shoes--ready to cheer on the "Georgiaball game" 

Christmas in April--apparently Dashers can wear reindeer (and corduroy) year round

Bringing back the Du-Rag

This was the pantless stage from early March. Really allows one to show off those hard earned thigh rolls.

Mixing tones-coral, hot pick and light pink. The combination of booty shorts with fur boots upset her daddy but Loulie made it work.

Wise choice of accessories

Those four inch heels will get you everytime

Never underestimate the importance of good lingerie. Choose the wrong bra and everything looks out of proportion.

Loulie Bug, I hope you never lose your unique sense of style and confidence. I love finding you in my closet every morning!

What a croc!

Don't you just hate it when you can't get good reception inside a store?!

* I should also point out that right before trying on these shoes. She says "Oh mom, dose are my favorite! I gone put dem on." As if she is a 13 yr old girl, everything these days is "her favorite"!

Resume Part Two

Two years ago, I hung up my suits, threw away a pair of worn out heels and retired about 20 years earlier than anticipated. Yes, today marks the two year anniversary that I have been a stay at home mother. 

I first off want to say that I know every woman has her struggles with balancing career and family and that like your birth story, everyone has one personal to them. I have wanted to tell mine now for a while because it isn't so much about choosing my child over work but how God tugged on my heart and completely changed the way I thought about a lot of things including my self worth. So as a preface, please know that this is in no way passing judgement on any mother working or staying home. I have an extraodinary amount of respect for all the mamas out there putting their families first and joyfully (and sometimes not joyfully) doing this work of parenthood (in whatever capacity) everyday. This is MY story and MY experience. 

And I should begin by telling you that from the moment I set foot in Atlanta, purchased my first suit, sat through my first sales training and received that first bonus check; all thoughts of ever staying home with children became a distant idea. Not only did it become a distant idea, it became a negative choice--something that boring, submissive women did. I had horribly judgemental ideas of what would you do all day, how terrible to have to depend on a man, what a waste of an education and talent! And as I spent more years working and spending time with coworkers just like me, those ideas began to shape the way I saw myself. As I succeeded--higher numbers, bigger bonuses, encouragement to move up--my job became my identity. That was who I was--business minded, driven, competitive and as my manager would assure me 'going places." I wasn't drinking the company koolaid, I was IV-ing into my arm. And life went on just fine until marrying Bert and moving left me without the fuel to my fire. My energy had been spent on working and with out that, I suddenly felt very invaluable. In my year long search for a job in Charleston, I would get so frustrated that I wasn't "bringing anything to the table." I didn't feel like I brought any value to our marriage because I didn't provide a paycheck nor did I feel that my day was meaningful. I volunteered but still my self worth was so tied to earnings and productivity; I couldn't shake feeling kind of useless despite Bert's encouragement. Not only that but by putting so much pressure on myself to earn, it blindingly kept me from submitting and trusting him to take care of our family.

Thankfully, I found a job in Charleston and once again felt satisfied with how my time was spent. I had Loulie and returned back to work with a lot of resignations but stood on the ground that work needed me, that I needed the

 money, and that I would never find a job like that again. I now look back and see how prideful, how selfish and how untrusting I was. In the meantime, Loulie had horrible colic. Her daycare workers would call me out of meetings, I would pick her up to find her on the lap of the head administrator because her caretakers couldn't handle her neediness along with 7 other babies. And through all this, I prayed for signs of what to do but still held on to the thought of what would I be if I chose to stay home. How could I trust Bert to care for us?  That if I stayed at home no one would ever know what I had accomplished, that I was capable and smart. Talk about Satan having a party in your head?!

I began to get worn down. One night Loulie stayed up screaming until 5:00am. After finally getting to sleep, the alarm went off an hour and a half later so that I could get Loulie to daycare before an 8:00 meeting. It was hell and we were both miserable. 

I prayed more. I asked the advice of friends. I stained my poor mother's ear daily. And one day a friend said something to me that flipped a switch. "Whatever you decide to do, just don't loose your identity." I remember clearly going home and standing at my kitchen counter thinking "so is my identity my work?". Is that who I think I am? And like a cloud lifting, all of my self righteous sin that I had been masking with excuses for months was revealed. And I realized the real reason I was struggling. After praying and praying, all circumstances were pointing to me staying home. And after fighting it for so long, it became so apparent that I was scared of what God had in store, I was scared of loosing control, I was scared of not being able to provide for myself and Loulie, and I was scared of going down a road that might not have an exit ramp. So with so much trepidation, I made a call, I finished up my two weeks and I handed my self worth back to the Lord.

And for months he did a great work on my heart.

I get asked all the time since I have done both sides of it whether or not I think a friend or coworker should stay home with their child. I want to share what I've learned so far but I'll save it for another post. Like I said earlier, it is a different story and choice for each family. I have one answer for myself--I have never once looked back with regret. It took a lot of pruning but I have peace that what I am doing now is where I am meant to be. That what I do with my hours and days doesn't define who I am.  That the choice wasn't about what to do but who I was putting in control, who I was choosing to trust. And I hope I never stop being thankful for the lessons I've learned and the way I now spend my days.

Week 14 inspired by...

"I don't wear my religion on my sleeve. I'm extremely reluctant to talk about it at all. Chiefly because my belief does not really reduce itself to simple statements."

-Marilyn Robinson, Pulitzer Prive Winning Essayist

I am particularly loving these words this week. Because how hard is it to explain the Easter story? You can summarize it in a paragraph (He is risen!) but I think until you experience the overwhelming awe yourself, it is something that cannot be explained in a simple statement.